Sleep Disorder-ly Conduct

I wrote a paper for my freshman psych class about sleep disorders. I found examples of almost every one within my close family. Well last night Wendi got to experience when happens when you cross sleep deprivation with a genetic propensity for sleep disorders - Sleep Panic! Those of you who have seen the new Adam Sandler movie "Bedtime Stories" will recognize this one, although with less screaming and without the gayest straight guy ever, Russell Brand.

So about 3:00 am last night the primitive beast in my brain kicked me and said, "someone is in your house!" My body was not content to just sit bolt upright in bed, before my consciousness had a chance to start working I was out of bed, across the room, through the hallway, and into the living room looking for someone to knock unconscious. On my way I had turned on every light I could reach. With my heart beating at somewhere around 800 beats per minute I stood there looking for someone to step out from behind the couch and take me on. Thinking back on it for some reason I expected it to be a midget.

As my blood supply dipped below 50% adrenaline I checked the kitchen to make sure no one was there. All normal. Doors - still locked. I warily moved back to the bedroom, checking every room in between. Nothing out of place. Wendi was wide awake now asking what was wrong. I sheepishly replied, "nothing I guess."

If any of you were thinking of breaking into my house for some kind of prank or something you might want to reconsider. When that neanderthal portion of my brain kicks in and says, "Fight or Flight!" now you know what I'll choose. You might find me coming at you in my g's moving so fast I appear to break the laws of physics. Also I keep this under the bed.